Becoming a parent often puts a strain on relationships, regardless of what they were like before. Part of the problem is that you’re tired and have so much less time to spend with your partner than you did before the baby arrived.

It’s a lot harder to go out together and enjoy the things you used to do. Your partner may feel left out, and you may resent what you see as a lack of support.

But the stage when babies and children take up all your physical and emotional energy doesn’t last forever.

Make time for each other when you can. Do little things to make each other feel cared for and included.

If you’re having your first baby, you may feel lonely and cut off from your old life. Your partner can’t give you everything you used to get from work and friends. You need other people in your life for support, friendship, and a shoulder to cry on.

Find out more about parental mental health

Take time to listen to your partner

However close you were before the baby was born, your partner can’t read your mind. Both your lives are changing, and you have to talk about it.

You and your partner need to tell each other what you want and what’s bothering you if you’re resentful, angry or upset.

  • Be honest about what you need: do you need a hug or to feel understood?
  • Ask a friend or relative to babysit so you can have time together, even if it’s just for a walk in the park.
  • Share the housework so you can have more time together.
  • Share the childcare duties, too.
  • It’s important to talk about how you want to bring up your children. You may find you don’t agree on basic matters like discipline and attitudes. 

Find a way of dealing with these issues without disagreeing in front of your child.

If you think your relationship is in danger of breaking down, get help.

Where couples can get help and further advice

Help from a trained counsellor or therapist

If you’d like to talk to someone who’s not a friend or family, there are lots of ways you can contact a relationship counsellor, some of them for free:

  • Relate – the charity offers many different types of relationship counselling, including a free, confidential live chat service, as well as services you have to pay for, like counselling by telephone, webcam, email, or face-to-face. For face-to-face counselling, contact your nearest Relate branch.
  • The Couple Connection – the charity’s Listening Room is another free live chat service where you can talk to a trained counsellor.